the Wakefield Doctrine (…Panic in Detroit… I wish someone would phone)
(With apologies to: David Bowie, Jim McKay,Vinko Bogataj, agonosis and the thrill of Victory.)
Alright folks, here we go! The closing hours of the first annual Tag a scott Week! This is clark and I being your host, your histiss, your true and Humble Narrator. And for a special treat, I have the roger with me, yeah! Up in the booth, the Progenitor himself will be joining us as we take a look at a week that truly flown by.
Let’s have a reserved but warm and enthusiastic round of applause for the man…roger!
Welcome, my roger, welcome!
…the clark, yeah ‘thanks?’ for having me here? Where do you want me to sit? Is this the headset I get to use? Is this it for a set up? I don’t know..seems a little un-organised if you ask me. And why am I writing in blue?
I did? No I didn’t…. yeah alright I guess I did do that but it was a whole different context.
OK! …Before we start, a little backstory for those just joining us here at the Doctrine. (I’m talking to you, European Union! Shout outs to our new friends from Bosnia, Herzegovina and Israel. Sloveniaaa! is in da house.) Let’s take the time for a little ‘setpiece’ first, it will make the most of this as a learning opportunity.
Last week we announced the first annual tag a scott Week. There was a lot a buzz about the announcement, not surprisingly most of it was along the lines of, “uh do you really think this is such a good idea?” and “er clark? perhaps a more graduated approach would be better, like say call it take a scott to lunch or maybe flowers for your predator week? You know something a little less, whats the word? ‘scottian‘”
But, for better or for worse, tag a scott Week it was.
And what a week it has been. We have been getting reports in from the field from all three groups. At first, the Week got off to a slow start, but by Friday, going into the weekend, we started to hear from alot of the taggers and taggees.
The rogers were slow to catch on but once they saw other people participate, you couldn’t hold them back. Don’t want to use the term ‘stampede’ but how would you describe it roger?
We rogers prefer the term ‘(making) a demonstrative change of direction’, thank you. But my people, while slow to accept and embrace new ideas are warming to this Doctrine thing. And even though scotts give us the ‘love-escape’ syndrome’, you do what you can with what you got. It’s a start…
The clarks caught on right away, (no shit), but you know with those little misanthropes you can never be sure that they are doing what they are told or doing what they think they are being told. As a matter of fact, we had more than one roger call in and insist that a clark was helping a scott get out of a trap, and was that against the rules!
Boy did we get an earful! Hey roger, your people, do like they rules, neh?
Here’s the thing about rules, they are good, natural, necessary and, most of all they are pleasing. It’s not what you clarks think; we build and form rules because that is what is natural. We build a place for our children and descendents to be able to enjoy and they will remember us with respect and be inspired to continue the forming of a more perfect place.
Hey roger we got a caller on the line! She wants to know what you did with her branding iron?
okay…! I think I will let roger take that one. (for you in the audience just joining us… take a read of the Aug 7 entry on this Page or better yet this Page (think in terms as this caller is kinda Hillary calling Bill…)
I’ll take that call. (“yes, I know, I know I was supposed to drop it off at your office, I’m sure its in the car. I’m kind of in the middle of something….no! I didn’t mean it that way. OK see you at dinner..”) Sorry. Where were we?
So, back to the Week. No major upsets, no massive body counts, no complaints from the MADD (Mothers Against Deliberate Dementia), (who, btw you do not want to screw with!). Just a week of good clean, wholesome fun. Unless…
…you were the scott, caught off guard by a herd of well-dressed, middle-management credentialed rogers who, with a co-ordination and timing possible only to their type managed to trap the scott in the middle of the herd. Unable to spring back in time and in too close quarters to get the teeth to do any good, this scott was reported to have been ground down into a compliant, toothless Wiley Coyote-looking lifeform, reduced to muttering, (and we quote here), about how he was ‘gonna murdalize ya all’
…you were the clark, caught ‘showing emotion’ and immediately set upon by a small pack of young female scotts. Made hungry by a chance encounter with a herd of high school English teaching rogers, the pack thought they had stumbled on a Hungry Man Dinner sent down by jethro for their refreshment. Boy, when clarks get genuinely pissed-off and indulge in anger, it is not a pretty sight. (Party of 5 for the next Carnivoreville Cruise to the Island of Lesbos, please.)
Well, roger that about wraps it up for us. The final hours have ticked down and peace will reign once again in Shellyville. So I want to thank the Progenitor for stopping in, (hey, great Post ‘Various and Sundry Arcanities’, good read, as usual.) Anything you want to say to our readers before we pull the plug on this thing, roger?
Well, it was interesting. I’m maybe if you organised it a little clearer and maybe gave me a little more advanced notice. But I am learning that here in the blog world as it was back in the day of nightclub rock bands, all you could do was write the set list, do the set up, wait around and play Pac Man and go on stage when the house lights came down, ‘dit…dit…dit’
Well, its been interesting…
This is clark sayin goodnight!! Solveniaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!